Country.

I'm in college, and halfway through my freshman year. So much for keeping track of my senior year eh? oh well, the times remembered were great. College is so much better than I thought. It's hard at times, get homesick and all. But the people here are fucking awesome. I'm glad I moved out here to go to school. Don't regret it. This won't be a deep post I don't think. Too tired to think deeply, so i'll just give an update. It's been an amazing four months, and I know...it's only been four months. I can't believe it really, I love all my friends here and everyone I've met. College is definitely an adjustment, and I suck at managing my time. I suck at doing homework...and advice to everyone out there....never take a voluntary 8:30 am class. Such a bad idea. I'm still trying to adjust to everything here. I'm behind in school but I've been behind in school since kindergarten so that doesn't really surprise me. Being all grown up is kinda scary, and being all on your own. Takes a lot, I never realized how much you never had to worry about living at home. I should be doing homework right now but as my father tells me, i put the pro in procrastination. Haha. I miss my family, another thing you have to get used to...living 1300 miles away from everything you've ever known and your family. Makes things easier that I got friends here, they understand, and they're a really good support system. Life isn't too exciting right now, midterms were last week and so now just learning some new stuff in all my classes. Still trying to figure out what I should do for spring break and I gotta start house shopping pretty soon. See! Adulthood...it's cray. Well I'm gonna hopefully start some homework now, listening to my country playlist. I have a new found love for country music...so that's what I thought the title should be. Hopefully more exciting things will come up or I'll have some crazy deep thoughts. Tata for now!

Fear.

Fear keeps you from experiencing some of the beauties of the world. Some of the most beautiful things won't be experienced, because you are afraid. It's silly how afraid I am of water and heights. I went camping this past weekend. It was much needed time away from life and communication. We were in the middle of nowhere and no one had service. I screamed. I screamed as loud as I could because no one was around, and it felt damn good. I stood on a bridge by our campsite for a while. Over these huge rapids and thought how silly it was I was so afraid of water, how silly it was that I was so terrified of standing on that bridge. I've realized a lot of things terrify me lately, and there's not much I can do about it but just go with things and stay strong. Then I realized staying strong was getting pretty hard for me lately. Things are just hard, life is hard, and I need to accept that. I need to be okay with being alone. I need to be okay with things, and appreciate the little things and the time I have right now. Our last night camping, we were all sitting around the campfire. No drama, no fighting, no hard feelings. Just me and my closest friends sitting around a campfire in the middle of nowhere have a good time and playing guitar. Laughing, smiling, and just enjoying each other. Those are the moments we live for, those are the moments we need to remember. Fear can keep you from love. The greatest feeling of all, and the worst feeling of all. Most people miss out on it because they are too afraid. That's what I did, I missed my opportunities but that doesn't mean I regret how things have turned out. But now I'm afraid again because I have found real feelings again. And not for the person you'd think. Not even my type, nothing like anyone I would ever go for. Yet here are these feelings popping up. To me, he's everything I really could want right now. I have too much baggage though, and he can't do anything. Bro code ya know? Eh, anyways. He's too good for me. I'm just scared, because well, I'm hurt, and hurt badly. And he could possibly have the power to fix it, and to fix me.

Have no envy, no fear.

America.

Today was pretty much awesome. I slept in. Helped a little around the house getting ready for the big holiday. Then i went to wyoming with my friends hilary karynna kristin and donovan(aka jaybiebs). Donovan is seriously like my little bro. but we went and spent 300 dollars on fireworks, then went up to cheyenne and hung out for a little bit. When we were driving home we could see fireworks going off everywhere. It was awesome. I'm proud to be american. It makes me appreciate the little things and appreciate what I have in life. I love my friends. I love my life. I love my family. I love days like this and I love the 4th of July. Mostly cuz that means my birthday is in 4 days :). I'll tell you how my 4th goes tomorrow! and maybe ill come up with some really good deep thought in a couple of days. cuz lately i haven't really. mostly because i haven't really been thinking a lot lately about anything deep in meaning to me. Well happy 4th of july everyone!

 HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMERICA

well helloooo there. I'm doin good at this whole blogging more often thing.  I saw transformers 3 last night....it was pretty good..but a little too long i thought. Today i just hung out and did almost nothing. it was so nice. tomorrow a couple of my friends and i are going to wyoming to get fireworks for the 4th! yay! itll be fun. mini road trip with mah friends. theres not much else to report. other than that.

As far as my situation goes. Things are stressful. i need a life chat with someone soon. maybe the person im thinking of will ever text me back. im pretty sure i lost one of my best friends. but i mean those things happen at this stage. still excited for college. i leave for orientation in two weeks.

I'll have much more fun things to report tomorrow I'm sure because im goin on an adventure tomorrow! woo. but till then, good night. and farewell. Im gonna finish watching storm chasers then go to bed.

Hello.

I'm gonna try and do a lot better at blogging now. High school is over and now it's time to start college. I have about three months before I go off to college though, its a nice summer. Summer has been pretty good so far. I moved to longmont, my sister graduated from college and no she's back home. The rest of my senior year was fantastic. Graduation was too. It was nice to see all my family again. But it's a weird feeling to know that I will probably never see some of the people I saw daily for four years again. All you can really do is move on though. I'm excited to move to Oregon and start college, though it will be extremely hard to leave Colorado, and all of my friends. Nothing really too exciting has happened since I last blogged. But from now on hopefully I can manage to post every day or at least every couple of days.

Today my sister and I unpacked the second bedroom and set up a bunch of shelves, so now she can stay in that room instead of the basement. We have a couple of weeks to almost completely remodel our basement.   In the end it will be soooo sick! such a good movie basement. Im so stoked. For now I'm going to go shower and go to Red Robin with the fam. And hopefully get some more things done around the house.

Later gators!

Destination.

Happiness is a mood, not a destination

Most people strive to be happy in their lives. All they do, their goal in life, is to be happy. Truth is, you can't be happy all the time. There are times when you're going to be mad or sad or depressed, frustrated, angry, jealous. Jealousy is the worst for me, I'm a very jealous person. I find most people are just waiting for the end. Waiting for the end of anything, high school, life, some major section of their life. Waiting for their destination in life. I think people start waiting because they feel they can't go on any longer and need a change. They feel they don't have the strength to keep standing and keep moving forward. People wait for the end, but what if the end is tomorrow? You will never know if you will be alive tomorrow, you will not know what is going to happen tomorrow. Is the world going to end? Is a tornado or natural disaster going to ruin your world? Is any sort of disaster going to ruin your world? You never know. But don't worry about what's going to happen tomorrow, worry about the day you're living in. That's what really counts. Live everyday like it's your last. Tell everyone you love, that you love them everyday because they could not be there tomorrow. Make careful decisions, but don't be too careful that you're not living. I'm not going to say have no regrets because you probably will have regrets. I do. Having regrets is only natural to humans, and we're only humans right? Everyone feels differently, everyone's rights and wrongs are different. It's all just so different. Everyday you wake up and choose to keep going or to quit. Everyday you choose to keep living. The choice is yours to keep going or to quit, everyday of your life. You don't have to do anything except what you want. It's true. If you're worried about the past, and want to forget it. My advice is to only think about the moment you're living in, focus on today, and you won't even think about the past. It's okay. Everything will be okay. Trust yourself and don't worry about the little things, they're little and probably have no significance to you. And every once in a while you should stop and enjoy the little things, it's good for you. Then just keep moving on. Everyday is the beginning to the end, just don't get caught up waiting for it, live.

Oh, and don't forget to smile

Okay.

Let's start with yesterday shall we? Yesterday was good, the usual. It wasn't that great of a day as Monday was though. I did nothing but watch TV after school, and only did my math homework since that was the only class I had today. Today was pretty easy, only had one class, but it's my hell class called Pre-Calc. I woke up and got to my class that I aid for on time...crazy. That class makes me laugh. It's just a bunch of freshman still trying to figure out the ropes of high school and how to survive. Honestly I don't think you ever find out the ropes of high school, you just kind of have to go with the flow, try to stay out of drama, and pass to graduate. Haha. Anyways, while I was checking off who turned in their annotated books, I find a little baby doll in the crate where all the books were. It was kind of buried in there but I didn't pay much attention to it, until it started moving and crying. It took me a while to figure out what the noise was until I took out the baby and showed it to the teacher. She freaked out and went on telling me about how another teacher keeps hiding it in her stuff. The rest of the class period was spent trying to get the baby to shut up, and figure out how to get the teacher back. During lunch, I went to my friends house and attempted playing Call of Duty: Black Ops. I killed two people, that's a successful game for me, haha. Then we ran around town doing nonsense teenage things like getting my friend, who had knee surgery, more of her pain meds. Picture four teenagers walking into a hospital to get prescription pills...I'm surprised they actually gave them to us. Well by then it was time for dreaded math class, and we had a quiz/test. Of course we took it halfway through the block period because that's how long it takes us to go over our homework. Ridiculous right? I think I did pretty well on that, and the rest of the time was just spent goofing around per usual. After school I went to a 'club meeting' at Wendy's and then pool class. I came home and cleaned and had to go get a cat scratching post because my cat, Monty, keeps scratching on my mom's new chair. I went to Petco, and who knew how many different kinds of scratching posts they make. Some with half carpet, half rope, some with just carpet or just rope, some with toys on top, toys on the side, multiple toys, or no toys. Oh and don't forget the eco friendly kind. What has this world come to? Anyway, my day has ended with me writing this with my cat, my bestest friend ever, sitting beside me. Two more days until Thanksgiving break, and I'm ready. But for now, I will keep going and go with the flow even though I'm struggling. I'm not feeling myself and very stressed. I just want to be okay, but I know that will come. I must get through the next few weeks and maybe it'll get better, all these feelings. But it'll be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end.

Get ready, blast off