Fear.

Fear keeps you from experiencing some of the beauties of the world. Some of the most beautiful things won't be experienced, because you are afraid. It's silly how afraid I am of water and heights. I went camping this past weekend. It was much needed time away from life and communication. We were in the middle of nowhere and no one had service. I screamed. I screamed as loud as I could because no one was around, and it felt damn good. I stood on a bridge by our campsite for a while. Over these huge rapids and thought how silly it was I was so afraid of water, how silly it was that I was so terrified of standing on that bridge. I've realized a lot of things terrify me lately, and there's not much I can do about it but just go with things and stay strong. Then I realized staying strong was getting pretty hard for me lately. Things are just hard, life is hard, and I need to accept that. I need to be okay with being alone. I need to be okay with things, and appreciate the little things and the time I have right now. Our last night camping, we were all sitting around the campfire. No drama, no fighting, no hard feelings. Just me and my closest friends sitting around a campfire in the middle of nowhere have a good time and playing guitar. Laughing, smiling, and just enjoying each other. Those are the moments we live for, those are the moments we need to remember. Fear can keep you from love. The greatest feeling of all, and the worst feeling of all. Most people miss out on it because they are too afraid. That's what I did, I missed my opportunities but that doesn't mean I regret how things have turned out. But now I'm afraid again because I have found real feelings again. And not for the person you'd think. Not even my type, nothing like anyone I would ever go for. Yet here are these feelings popping up. To me, he's everything I really could want right now. I have too much baggage though, and he can't do anything. Bro code ya know? Eh, anyways. He's too good for me. I'm just scared, because well, I'm hurt, and hurt badly. And he could possibly have the power to fix it, and to fix me.

Have no envy, no fear.